Posts Tagged With: shake rattle and read uptown chicago

*Hammer Time

I had just got off (the L) at Argyle and was going to pick up some green tea, then head over to Shake, Rattle and Read when spotted her walking towards Broadway. Not only was this woman hot, she had a great walk. No, not the Look-at me-and-my-great-ass-that-you’ll-never-see walk…. I guess I’m trying to say she didn’t appear to be struttin’ or in any sort of rush, she looked relaxed and unguarded, and she also wasn’t wearing her cell phone up to her ear as an accessory or security blanket. I get tired of people who have to be seen on their cell phones otherwise they feel vulnerable or something. She was wearing cargo shorts and a bikini top, so I guessed that she’d been at the beach. Perfect timing for my viewing pleasure.

We both looked at each other and said “Hi” as we waited for traffic to clear on Broadway, we crossed at the same time, but I veered off over to the French/Vietnamese bakery at the corner for my tea as she headed south. Damn. I pondered if she was as nice as she was hot. Well, I guess I’ll never find out. I got my tea and wandered down to towards the bookstore, turning off over to Magnolia to check out my first apartment of ions ago. I got to the bookstore and guess who’s there? Yep, in all her splendid hotness, she was a reader.

Was fate at work here? I knew an opportunity like this doesn’t come along every day and I’m not the type of guy who gets nervous talking to a woman because she’s hot, but I was afraid that once she knew about my secret she might not want to have anything to do with me. It’s embarrassing and sometimes gets out of control. I caught it in high school, but I didn’t go to the doctor about it until about eight years ago, but he said it was too late and nothing could be done about it now. I’d just have to take some meds and learn to make some adjustments.

Well, I was going to let fate decide this, so I walked up and asked her if she knew anything about sand dollars and sure enough she did. (I’m also sure she was well aware that I was hitting on her) So, I asked her a few obligatory questions and we chatted for a few minutes and everything seemed to be cool. But something about her was special, something that sparked my curiosity. OK, right, it was her chest.

We talked for a while about Clypeasteroida, nektonic larvae metamorphosis, benthos, and the like. We were hitting it off and we were close to the Golden House, so I asked her if she would like to get some coffee and sit for a while. So we did, and we continued to talk for a bit about this and that, and I suggested that we get together sometime for dinner, a movie, whatever. She said that sounded great, but she was going out of town for a week and wouldn’t be able to hook up until next Thursday night. But before I could say anything else she said “OK, Thursday it is then”

Well, now I was the difficult point in the conversation where I could take my chances and be honest with her or be a dog and let her find out the hard way. I took the high road. I said “Heidi, you seem like such a sweet gal, so I gotta be honest with you. I’m a Snow Flake” As I was trying be tactful and careful in explaining it, she came out and said “So am I”. Oh Man, I was soooo glad we got that out of the way. She said that while her condition is mild, it acts up mostly to the likes of Wu Tang, but sometimes even Hootie.

Since our whiteness was out of the bag, I felt that I should let her know how bad mine gets and explained I’ll break out the Cabbage Patch,  Worm and even the Robot without any music. In fact, I almost got stabbed once by some Jehovah Witnesses after trying to do the Running Man at the Chicago/Cicero bus stop. I also explained that I exercise my funk behind closed doors, primarily at my support group, Snow Flakes Anonymous. We meet once a week at the Lincoln Park Community Center (safest spot in town for us) and dance, rap (out loud) and say things (out loud) like “Holla”, “Biznazz” and “You know, Farrakhan was right about…”. I also explained that its gotten better now that Chappelle is off the air and my family is more supportive every day.

Anyway, Thursday night we’re going to check out a movie and grab a drink afterwards. I’ll let you know how it turns out. Peace!

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Categories: Naked, Northside View | Tags: , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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