News

Sir, your cart is double parked.

A buddy of mine was recently on Check, Please! He knows every neighborhood diner in town. Nobody in Chicago comes close to Dave’s gastronomical knowledge and insight and he also always knows where to find the best drink specials too.

He picked out a greasy spoon, Moon’s Sandwich Shop, on the West Side. Check Please! is a local restaurant review show on PBS, hosted by some woman whose father is famous for something, what I don’t know. Most guests are normal people, with a dash of Gold Coast snobs thrown in to keep PBS donations coming in. So, the reaction of the other two guests to Dave’s choice is priceless. Especially the prima donna’s. Anyway, I’ll have to stop by sometime for a fat burger or Jump Ball.

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Easter has been cancelled

GRANGER TWP. — Just when things started to look even the slightest bit better for millions of Americans, the Medina County Sheriff’s Office today reported that the Easter Bunny has died from injuries sustained in a suspicious one car accident. According to police reports, the 400 year old Easter Bunny was struck from behind while on his morning run. Family and friends have told the Associated Press that he had discussed retiring after this year’s holiday, but wanted to make sure he was in shape to complete everything one last time.

Around 7:50 a.m., the Medina County Sheriff’s Office was notified of the incident, which occurred on Route 11, just north of State Road 45. Sgt. Robert Sanders, public information officer for the Medina County Department of Public Safety, said that investigators have been told by the driver and passengers of the 2009 Range Rover, that they were in a rush to get to the early service at a church in nearby Lebanon, when they accidently struck the Easter Bunny.

The driver, Reverend L.T. Thomas of Chicago, has a long running feud with many holiday icons and Super Hero’s. In 2003, Thomas was arrested in Palm Springs while trying to scale the security wall at the Cheateau de Connerie, a popular getaway of Santa Claus, Cupid, AquaMan, Pepita and Rod Blagojevich. In 2004, Thomas was charged with trespassing when he attempted to dislodge a giant pickle from a float at the annual St. Joe Pickle Fest in St. Joe, Indiana. In 2007, Thomas was arrested while protesting Santa Claus at the Marshall Field’s State Street Holiday Window Display.

“Right now, we’re trying to determine if this is an accident or something that was done intentionally,” Sanders said.

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Bubbles

Even though he was seen running from the Neverland Ranch as emergency response personnel arrived,  the Los Angeles Police Department has confirmed that Bubbles, Michael Jackson’s ex-pet Chimpanzee, is not a suspect in the stars death. Bubbles has spent the past four years at the Center For Great Apes, home to forty-two chimpanzees, four orangutans, three Kentuckians and five ex-congressmen.

Bubbles graduated from The University of Southern California-School of Business, where he was a tutor for the Trojans football team, and is currently pursuing his M.B.A at Stanford University. He is the Executive Director of the Liskte Institute for Global Rationalization and on the Board of Directors for several charities.

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