Monthly Archives: June 2011

Natural Selection giving its best effort

I just got off the phone with my cousin Ed, a contractor, who lives in Lenoir City,TN. He’s a big Panthers fan, so we always find ways to trash talk each other, especially when our teams play each other. Ed’s got it pretty good with all the fresh air, clean water, mountains, beautiful wife and kids. The one exception is his son Jeff.

Jeff finally graduated high school after taking 1½ yrs off to recover from injuries sustained from two separate ATV accidents. The first time was when he tried to jump the creek using a homemade ramp and the second was five months later when he tried to jump the creek using a bigger and better homemade ramp. What made the second one even worse was that he had skipped school that day to practice jumping the creek before his friends came over after school. So, Einstein was laid out, his body as crooked as a politician, for six hours before his friends found him.

Despite the fact that Jeff is a bona fide moron, he is planning to attend “college” now that his doctors have cleared him not to wear his helmet anymore, except for when he drives. That said, I was hoping to hear that he’d be living in a dorm, so he wouldn’t have to drive. I say that because I know after a couple of weeks of wearing the helmet while driving, that little hillbilly will think he’s Richard Petty running moonshine, end up jumping the sidewalk and run over ten coeds.

When asked, Ed was quick to point out Jeff has narrowed his choices down to the Nashville Diesel Engine School and Florida College, which both sound like online schools (I have a hard time calling them colleges or universities).

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