Monthly Archives: June 2009

Here, try this one

Me and a buddy (Marty) had plans to have few beers and play some pool the other night and he tried to worm his way out of it by saying he didn’t feel good. Come on, it’s not like we’re going to run a 10K or something, you know. But after a few minutes of busting his chops, he agreed to go, but on the condition that we stop by his brothers place and get some prescription cold medicine.

His brother (Jerry) is the guy that lives in your building or works in the shipping room at your job that was a star athlete in high school until he started smoking weed. After that came coke, then whatever. He’s clean now, but he’s burnt for good. Doesn’t even need to do drugs anymore. All he’s gotta do is get dehydrated or hit in the kidney and he’s high for five hours. Anyway, he knows every drug (prescription or illegal) out there, the names, nicknames, dosages, etc.

Personally, I wouldn’t take his advice, I’d just go to Osco and ask the kid fresh out of college. So, Marty takes what Jerry gives him, we leave and within an hour we’ve had three beers. Now, me being me, I would stop drinking at that point, but I guess these boys have something in their genes that blocks common sense.  Jerry calls Marty to see how the ‘scrip is doing and Marty tells him that he still feels like crap. Jerry comes over to the bar and offers Marty some other ‘scrip. “Here, try this one. It looks newer” Genius. So, I ask Jerry what the side effects are for either drug and he’s not sure. OK Jerry, where did you acquire these pills? Oh, he got them out of a medicine cabinet in an empty house he was paid to clean out last month, you know, his weekend gig. The old lady that used to live there died of cancer and these must have been her drugs.

See, Jerry said that when people go through chemo, they are prone to getting colds, etc, because their bodies are weak. Genius. Now I’m thinking of common side effects for most drugs, like dizziness, cramps, headaches, dry mouth, or maybe stool issues. Then I start thinking about how good of friends are me and Marty? I mean what if he drops over right here? Do I really want my name associated with a dead guy in a bar, who got dead grandma’s ‘scrip from his twice already felony brother, on page three of the Sun-Times? What would you do?

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