This Little Piggy…


I recently received yet another special offer to join one of the thousands of dating/personals websites (Match, Yahoo! Personals, OK Cupid, etc). Considering that my Stud Level is maxed out (insert laughter), I wouldn’t pay to join or use one of these sites…again. They can rake in enough advertising dollars to cover the cost of me posting a photo of my rock hard abs, can’t they? Besides, I am the Master of My Domain. OK, well, over the next few days I gave the use of these sites a lot of thought.

Some background: About nine or ten years ago I set up an account for shits and giggles, only to fall into the trap of constantly checking for messages, continuously polishing my profile, and refreshing my preferences before I left for work, at lunch (if I took one) and before I left work. It got sorta crazy for a while.

Anywho,  I thought about my two actual dating experiences (originating from the singles sites) and how much they really sucked (one woman’s first question was “So, what type of car do you drive” and the other woman was Goth Girl meets Jane Hathaway). So, presently, I’m not looking for a relationship. If there was anything I want out of this, it would be a piece of ass. But, that’s always led to problems for me and nowadays I tend to mind my own fucking (no pun intended) business. But the thrill of the chase was tempting the other day. However, I needed it to be something special. Well, not special as in hooking up with two chicks at once, or a pyromaniac, manic-depressive dwarf, or playing russian roulette with a Haitian nanny.

No, I have too much to lose right now by being associated with this shit, but at the same time the little devil on my shoulder kept telling me that he’s bored shitless.  What could I do? How could I keep my name and photo out of this? Hmmmmmmmm. I thought about  setting up a fake account of a regular guy and just fishing around. But then I might as well set up a real account. Then I entertained the idea of an account of a super-model type dude and fixing up fake dates with hot, stuck-up Trixies. No, too boring. Hmmm, maybe set one up as a lesbian… No, there’s no way I could pull that off. One horny message exchange and I’d end up telling her about wanting to stick my… well, you know what I mean.

I got it. I’d set up an account as a hot redheaded bi-sexual chick looking for a good time. So that’s what I did (on a free site). I found a photo of a very hot redhead posing in a sheer pick tank top. I mean this carrot top was hotter than a two dollar pistol. I created a bio of a 28 yr old professional living on the far north side, no pets, etc. The icing on the cake was that she hadn’t had sex for about nine months and was very eager to get some from either sex.

I must have had 50 responses within four hours (of course, 90% were from men). By the end of the second day I had about 120-130 responses.

What surprised me the most was the content of the messages. Every single guy, every one of them, had zilch to say except for “Hi”, “Hey”, “Sup”, “Hope your day is going well” etc.

I was embarrassed for my kind. “Sup?” That’s all you got? Here’s a hot redhead wearing a see-through shirt, with great tits, looking to get laid right now and all you got is “Sup?” We’re men. We’re supposed to yearn redheads! “Sup?” Fucking idiot. Get off line. Get off line and go spank your monkey.

Most (80-90%) of the women, with about ten of them with profiles showing they were straight, came out of the gates with from-the-hip statements and very specific questions or requests. “I love your nipples”, “How about a threesome”, “Wanna meet up right now”, “I could lick you all day and night”.

I responded to each person (M/F) in a non-sexual manner “Hi, I’m sort of new to this” “I’ve never done this before”, and again, was surprised by their responses. The men continued to be like dorky little high school guys talking to a hot college chick. The women acted like what society has men pegged as… pigs. Dude, these women made me blush, and if you’ve read my blog, you should know I don’t do that very often. They were constantly pushing me to meet them within a couple of hours. Their place, my place, hotels, motels, in cars. All of these women had photos on their profiles and *only one of them looked like she’d be this way. The others had photos with daddy, with an ex-boyfriend at Navy Pier, or as a teenager sitting next to the Christmas tree, etc.

Sooooooooooooo, you can go Stealth on this site and not allow others to know you’re online. I did this and cruised around checking out the women when I got the idea of directly approaching straight women. Guess what, out of thirteen straight women I approached, four either flirted back (repeatedly over four-five emails or IM sessions) or wanted to hook up. Do the math.

So I came to the conclusion that a lot of women are at least no more trustworthy than what society has made men out to be.

*by this I don’t mean they she looked like a lesbian, I mean that she looked like the type of person who could be sitting at the kitchen table on their day off work, fishing around the net for someone/anyone to fuck, anywhere. This is the same woman who wanted to drive over and pick up “Diane” and go fuck in the car at the lake front.

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